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Dear True LoveDear true love,
I just wanted to write to you
And say that well well...i was touched
That you went to so much effort
To give me such "exquisite" gifts
But true love don't do it again
Your knowledge of me is quite poor
Every day of Christmas was hell
And I feared the bell at my door
A partridge, Swans, French hens and doves
I admit were lovely in song
But since I have Ornithophobia*
The choice of birds was wrong
Those five days of fowls at my door
Sent me screaming to a right royal mess
Here's a tip next time you spend cash;
What's wrong with a simple white dress?
I don't even like fruit
So what was with the pear?
(I couldn't even go near the tree
Since the darn bird was there)
The only thing you got right, boy
Was my love of golden rings
But my love turned sour, cheapskate!
When I found they're only toy rings!
I've never liked dancing
So when the ninth day came
Ladies tangoed into my house
Then forced me to do the same!
The other random folks you sent
Were just as bad a
Rudolph's ConfessionRudolph's Confession
Without trying to be boastful
I think I can safely admit
That out of all the reindeers here
That number one is where I sit
The whole wide world adores me
And remember my name quite well
But the world doesn't know my secret
so I guess now it's time to tell.
I came to the north pole workshop
A bright eyed (and nosed) newbie guy
Santa signed me up straight away
And promised me I'd be sky high
That year I led the foggy way
My red gleaming nose and I soared!
The taunting and teasing stopped dead
And I was now loved and adored
But the following year changed that
When I asked to fly lead again
Santa gave a shake of his head
And proceeded to explain
This is no foggy Christmas Eve
My sight's fine, I think you'd agree
Last year was only a once of
So Rudolph, stop badgering me!
Little did I know Mr. Claus
had stuck in a 'clause' of his own
The contract I signed years ago
Banned me from 'Perfect weather zones'
Clear skies I'm not allowed to fly
Only under fog and d
Class of 2009The Class of 2009 (Thank you, come again.)
You've got your claps
You've got your cheers
You've got signatures
And photos with peers
Now get the fuck out.
You heard me.
Yes it's all very sweet
To watch you all go
But we've now got to plan
The 2010 show
You're on your own now, kid
We wash our hands clean
Of bells and schoolbooks
And a daily routine
We've controlled how you think
For thirteen years
Our contract is now up
It's you who now steers
Oh come now, don't cry
I thought we planned this
We told you it was inevitable
That life's not all bliss
You'll hit speed humps
And not have us to aid
And while you lay there
You'll wish you would have stayed
So have fun out there
No reason to be afraid!
Thank you, come again
Thanks for having played!
Chinese WhispersChinese Whispers
Chinese Wisp errs
Chime ease puss puss
Try knees whiskers
Tai needs slippers
Tied his hip hurts
Writer's BlockI cant write for the life of me.
Theres just nothing coming up in
My mind for my creative side to see
And pick and choose a thing
To write so candidly about.
This blasted writers block
Throws me into doubt
Puts my mind in lock
And throws away the key.
Now as I sit in my chair
Staring at a blank white page
Giving a blank white stare
Right back at me...
I try so hard to place
Pen to paper and turn the sea
Into a river of words
But in my haste;
I end up frying my brain
With will power instead of contents
On my page. All I gain
Is a few scribbles... and all this nonsense
Is throwing me into a fit of rage
Of horrible red hot hate!
If only I could fill this page
oh hang on, wait
mini fic - Mariand visita al psicologo una tarde en el consultorio de psicologia...
Doctor: toma asiento y siéntate por favor
Doctor: ¿como te llamas?
Doctor: ¿mariand que?
M: ¡que pepinos le importa!
Doctor: bueno, ¿que te trae por aquí?
M: mis amigas me obligaron sobre mi voluntad ¬¬
Doctor: te noto molesta...
M: ¡no quería venir!
Doctor: bueno, bueno, te haré algunas preguntas ¿de acuerdo?
M: como quiera...
Doctor: dime algo que odies
M: que los peces de cece entren a mi cuarto
Doctor: como podrían entrar peces a tu cuarto O_o
M: pues en una pecera ¿no?
Doctor: de acueerdo, que mas
M: emm, bueno en general, que cualquier ser viviente entre a mi cuarto
Doctor: ¿alguna de tus compañeras lo ah hecho?
M: no creo que les convenga hacerlo
Doctor: ¿tienes mascotas mariand?
M: si, una serpiente llamada fraude y un gato llamado chesstre :3
Doctor: una ¿s-sepiente?
M: sii... *habla pausadamente*
Nothing But FrustrationNothing works
My head just wont work right tonight
No rhythm flows with what I compose
My rhymes just don't work out sometimes
Nothing to read
Nothing to sing
The songs I sing just have no ring
Nothing to do
Nothing to say
Everything I say is just too cliché
Nothing to write
Nothing to blend
Blend is just stupid so this is the end
How To Be A LadyBe kind and gentle
Remember! Nothing is accidental.
Remember all the little things
Never dip your feet, even in the most gentle of springs.
Never neglect your gentleman callers
No matter how much he hollers.
Your voice must be soft and gentle
Loud noises are vile and considered mental.
Never take wine with your afternoon tea
And a lady should never beg or plea.
Cloths should always be perfect, skirts never distraught
A parasol brought whenever it is hot.
No matter how rich, always act humble
And a lady, would never fumble.
A lady should always know when to use each fork
and how to eat her pork.
Always remember to lower your head
When greeted by another, even one you dread.
Now, remember your manners and never make a racket
or you might end up in a straight jacket.
blind justicecaught in the act
a selfie to boot
should not have posed
so close to the loot
darn social media
a souvenir is fine
but don't show the whole world
who committed the crime
when all the evidence
is so easy to find
only hope that justice
will truly be blind
A Case of Identity: James WindibankA/N: By Jove!" he continued, flushing up at the sight of the bitter sneer upon the man's face, "it is not part of my duties to my client, but here's a hunting crop handy, and I think I shall just treat myself to--"
“Mr. James Windibank,
Those who play games of sin we spank.”
Holmes raises his hunting crop…
“Oh, is that the time? I mustn’t stop!”
(wild clatter of steps upon the stairs)
ET Go HomeET Go Home
For days and days, the sky was dark
Lightning flashed here and there
There was more than electricity in the air
But though it was a signal "Hark"
Most folks seemed not to care
A war of worlds was still remote
For Herbert Wells once wrote
That the aliens landed in Britain
Still, there was tension in the air
But now the tension has ended, friends
And we are alone
ET go home
ClaraNo te conozco
No he hablado contigo
Este poema es forzado
No sale de mis entrañas
Eres una mujer invisible
Culpa a Lord Maiden.
Si nos conociéramos
Sería sincero este mensaje.
Todo se hizo a la inversa
Debía conocerte primero
Y hacer esa composición.
La vida es tan extraña
Da rarezas como esta
Insisto en mi mensaje
Bad InternetOh browser, oh broadband, why are you so cruel?
You load and you buffer, more stubborn than a muel.
And then when you finally get the video so sweet,
It turns out the film is in just 144p.
I tried with a dongle, that new one from three,
But lag and slow loads, Nowt but latency
The cable is dangling, making trip hazards three,
Oh why did I not just stay with old BT
Fibre optics, I cried, my mind all askew
It's flashy and good, and it's also quite new
With expectation and fun, I plugged it all in,
But the speed was so bad, I tossed it in bin.
Sod it! I yelled, tears streamed down my face,
Obviously the computer was never my place,
I cried, and I screamed for the cost, it was debt
All of this from my crap-shite internet.
Peter Quint At His Excruciation [bdsm][after Henry James' tale, "The Turn Of The Screw"]
". . . Concealed imaginings . . ."
---Wallace Stevens, "Peter Quince At The Clavier"
Your lover died---pregnant with your next bastard.
Yet, when you had been told, you said no more
than one word, and the harshest profanation
one could have chosen at that moment, "Whore."
Such callous disregard you have well mastered
in your jackbooted, leathered, dominance.
But you have preyed upon our ladies once
too often, and my daughter is too young
to recognize the lies your smooth, glib tongue
has ladled. Sought consent?---no, still coercion
when brought to bear with such polished persuasion,
much practiced to the uttermost evasion
of truth in the advance of your perversion.
This night's events will likely take your breath
away (what a bon mot) until your death
you beg. A stone's collision with your skull
will bring the public verdict of a fall---
one of those random, fatal accidents.
Other remaining marks as evidence,
will not be noted by
An ode to NetspeakNetspeak (150 characters)
Im not one for netspeak
It really makes me sick
To throw aside our syntax
And make yourself look thick
Is all the space we need
For our hopes, our dreams, our aspirations!
(it costs more if we exceed)
Orwell thought this would happen
But called it newspeak (the quack!)
If he had have changed the w
Hed be more along our track
Say whatever you want
But dont keep it simple and plain!
Whats that you write? Brb?
Lol we do exclaim!
We feel the need to tell eachother
How we look when we have read
All our lols lmaos and rofls
We wouldnt want to have mislead
But dont think youll avoid it
It happens to the best
So start using those num63r5
nd gve ths vwls a rst
So heres to you, netspeak
You grammar ignoring fad
As far as idiom revolutions go
Youre the best weve ever had
Keep in Touch!