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Dear True LoveDear true love,
I just wanted to write to you
And say that well well...i was touched
That you went to so much effort
To give me such "exquisite" gifts
But true love don't do it again
Your knowledge of me is quite poor
Every day of Christmas was hell
And I feared the bell at my door
A partridge, Swans, French hens and doves
I admit were lovely in song
But since I have Ornithophobia*
The choice of birds was wrong
Those five days of fowls at my door
Sent me screaming to a right royal mess
Here's a tip next time you spend cash;
What's wrong with a simple white dress?
I don't even like fruit
So what was with the pear?
(I couldn't even go near the tree
Since the darn bird was there)
The only thing you got right, boy
Was my love of golden rings
But my love turned sour, cheapskate!
When I found they're only toy rings!
I've never liked dancing
So when the ninth day came
Ladies tangoed into my house
Then forced me to do the same!
The other random folks you sent
Were just as bad a
Rudolph's ConfessionRudolph's Confession
Without trying to be boastful
I think I can safely admit
That out of all the reindeers here
That number one is where I sit
The whole wide world adores me
And remember my name quite well
But the world doesn't know my secret
so I guess now it's time to tell.
I came to the north pole workshop
A bright eyed (and nosed) newbie guy
Santa signed me up straight away
And promised me I'd be sky high
That year I led the foggy way
My red gleaming nose and I soared!
The taunting and teasing stopped dead
And I was now loved and adored
But the following year changed that
When I asked to fly lead again
Santa gave a shake of his head
And proceeded to explain
This is no foggy Christmas Eve
My sight's fine, I think you'd agree
Last year was only a once of
So Rudolph, stop badgering me!
Little did I know Mr. Claus
had stuck in a 'clause' of his own
The contract I signed years ago
Banned me from 'Perfect weather zones'
Clear skies I'm not allowed to fly
Only under fog and d
Class of 2009The Class of 2009 (Thank you, come again.)
You've got your claps
You've got your cheers
You've got signatures
And photos with peers
Now get the fuck out.
You heard me.
Yes it's all very sweet
To watch you all go
But we've now got to plan
The 2010 show
You're on your own now, kid
We wash our hands clean
Of bells and schoolbooks
And a daily routine
We've controlled how you think
For thirteen years
Our contract is now up
It's you who now steers
Oh come now, don't cry
I thought we planned this
We told you it was inevitable
That life's not all bliss
You'll hit speed humps
And not have us to aid
And while you lay there
You'll wish you would have stayed
So have fun out there
No reason to be afraid!
Thank you, come again
Thanks for having played!
Chinese WhispersChinese Whispers
Chinese Wisp errs
Chime ease puss puss
Try knees whiskers
Tai needs slippers
Tied his hip hurts
Writer's BlockI cant write for the life of me.
Theres just nothing coming up in
My mind for my creative side to see
And pick and choose a thing
To write so candidly about.
This blasted writers block
Throws me into doubt
Puts my mind in lock
And throws away the key.
Now as I sit in my chair
Staring at a blank white page
Giving a blank white stare
Right back at me...
I try so hard to place
Pen to paper and turn the sea
Into a river of words
But in my haste;
I end up frying my brain
With will power instead of contents
On my page. All I gain
Is a few scribbles... and all this nonsense
Is throwing me into a fit of rage
Of horrible red hot hate!
If only I could fill this page
oh hang on, wait
A Change of Mind!The small arachnid, I called Fat Sid, crawled across the ceiling;
Its size was disproportionate to the fear that I was feeling.
It jogged its hairy, leggy way, and passed the ceiling light,
Glancing down at me disdainfully, in my immobile plight.
I couldn’t move, was hypnotized, with glassy eyes did stare,
As Fat Sid suddenly did speed and went to God-Knows-Where.
I searched the room, with trepidation, the chairs I overturned,
Looked in the smallest nooks and crannies, whilst my stomach churned,
My legs were quivering, I was shivering and then suddenly felt hot,
I wanted to find Sid, to get quite rid, but then part of me did not.
He couldn’t help his eight-legged form or hairs that grew abundant,
But the fact he would not hurt me was of little or no comfort.
I shook the curtains and cushion covers, but the blighter was not there.
Then I went into the hallway and searched thoroughly each stair,
And all this time, I thought of questions. Was he as scared as me?
I was a raging
The Pokemon ABCsA is for Absol, who can sense coming doom.
B is for Baltoy, spinning 'round the room.
C is for Cradely-wait, that's a rock type?!
D is for Darkrai, who receives too much hype...
E is for Evee, with eight different forms.
F is for Ferroseed- watch out for those thorns!
G is for Golurk, who's this author's fave.
H is for Haunter, who's tongue has poisonous glaze.
I in for Inkay, a hypnotic squid.
J is for Jirachi, who can grant any wish.
K is for Kangaskan, with motherly love.
L is for Luvdisc, now give it a hug!
M is for Mudkip, whom I herd how U liek.
N is for Noivern, who makes me say yikes!
O is for Onix, the giant rock snake.
P is for Pikachu, for whom the fangirls bake cake.
Q is for Qwilfish (Yes, he is real.)
R is for Rapidash,
The Ruby and Sapphire Remake.The Ruby and Sapphire Remake.
By SharpySaber (Sharp Edge.)
Eleven years ago there was a game, whose legendary Pokémon was made of ocean and lava,
It had beautiful graphics, contests, unique villains, and berries that look better than guava.
However the new 2014 designs will make you confuse and really glum,
Even if the newer version of these two games comes out with a shiny Beldum.
It's the Pokémon Trainer's fashion sense, all in GameCube style 3D,
I'll first begin with Team Magma and their nerdy hipster leader Maxie.
The male grunts wear sweater leggings that lower sperm count and are shun by Miss Rarity,
Tabitha is no longer intimidating, but a clear sign in the rising number of worldwide obesity.
Team Aqua’s new pirate outfits compare to Neo Team Plasma grunts look really bad,
They’ve even installed a no ginger policy that made Coppercab really mad.
Speaking of ranting bad guys, have you seen the new design they gave Archie?
A skin tight diving suit on a forty
The Final Problem: Peter Steiler the ElderPeter Steiler, the elder of two.
What a trial were the well-to-do!
At the Grosvenor, folk never thank you when you
Pass them the menu.
Storm Talking dedicated to all my deviant sisters
thank you for all your support
As I was talking to my sister one stormy, sunny day.
I asked "How would you like to be an only child one day?"
The look upon that poor girl's face, meant more than words could say.
But I was glad I asked that question on that stormy, sunny day.
The next day was quite better, as we settled in for the storm.
Though it was snowing violently, outside it was quite warm.
So outside sister and I decided to create a great dinner
And to be truthful everyone said it was quite the winner.
So why the strange storms, when sister and I get together?
I do not know why! We do not control the weather.
We only control what we write on these pages.
Then we pity the poor bastards and curious sages.
JAM IN THE FLAMEThere once was a man who liked jam
He couldn't eat anymore spam
He gave them a fright
All over the night
And killed the manly dam
Birthday Poem for SelmaIt’s been some years since we last met
and I know it sounds silly, but please just let
me tell you a thing or two:
It is another year for you
Another year to live and spend
but spend it well before the end
wait, no, you don’t wanna hear about this!
Death on your b-day would be a crisis,
since it will be jolly and great
okay, now I’m just gonna be straight
and say whatever I wanted to say
okay, here it comes: Happy birthday!
The Guy Who Got Spit AtHe stood there
staring @ me
while spit flew
across the room
it landed smack
dab in his eye
while his laugh
turned into doom.
Why you rotten
little whore he
yelled in a snap!
He grabbed me by
the shirt until
he heard me attack.
I coughed up another
and then another!
Raising his arms he
dodged the phlegm.
Coughing & spitting
Spitting & coughing.
His face was now
drenched with my spite.
Yanking his coat high
he fled into the night!
An ode to NetspeakNetspeak (150 characters)
Im not one for netspeak
It really makes me sick
To throw aside our syntax
And make yourself look thick
Is all the space we need
For our hopes, our dreams, our aspirations!
(it costs more if we exceed)
Orwell thought this would happen
But called it newspeak (the quack!)
If he had have changed the w
Hed be more along our track
Say whatever you want
But dont keep it simple and plain!
Whats that you write? Brb?
Lol we do exclaim!
We feel the need to tell eachother
How we look when we have read
All our lols lmaos and rofls
We wouldnt want to have mislead
But dont think youll avoid it
It happens to the best
So start using those num63r5
nd gve ths vwls a rst
So heres to you, netspeak
You grammar ignoring fad
As far as idiom revolutions go
Youre the best weve ever had
Keep in Touch!
scheinbar is a much-loved and well-known deviant. Just one look at her gallery, filled with enchanting photography, will have you mesmerized. A deviant for over 7 years, Christiane can always be found posting inspirational features as well as regularly commenting on other deviations and encouraging and empowering her fellow deviants. We are inspired and insist that you too stop by and congratulate ... Read More