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Dear True LoveDear true love,
I just wanted to write to you
And say that well well...i was touched
That you went to so much effort
To give me such "exquisite" gifts
But true love don't do it again
Your knowledge of me is quite poor
Every day of Christmas was hell
And I feared the bell at my door
A partridge, Swans, French hens and doves
I admit were lovely in song
But since I have Ornithophobia*
The choice of birds was wrong
Those five days of fowls at my door
Sent me screaming to a right royal mess
Here's a tip next time you spend cash;
What's wrong with a simple white dress?
I don't even like fruit
So what was with the pear?
(I couldn't even go near the tree
Since the darn bird was there)
The only thing you got right, boy
Was my love of golden rings
But my love turned sour, cheapskate!
When I found they're only toy rings!
I've never liked dancing
So when the ninth day came
Ladies tangoed into my house
Then forced me to do the same!
The other random folks you sent
Were just as bad a
Class of 2009The Class of 2009 (Thank you, come again.)
You've got your claps
You've got your cheers
You've got signatures
And photos with peers
Now get the fuck out.
You heard me.
Yes it's all very sweet
To watch you all go
But we've now got to plan
The 2010 show
You're on your own now, kid
We wash our hands clean
Of bells and schoolbooks
And a daily routine
We've controlled how you think
For thirteen years
Our contract is now up
It's you who now steers
Oh come now, don't cry
I thought we planned this
We told you it was inevitable
That life's not all bliss
You'll hit speed humps
And not have us to aid
And while you lay there
You'll wish you would have stayed
So have fun out there
No reason to be afraid!
Thank you, come again
Thanks for having played!
An ode to NetspeakNetspeak (150 characters)
Im not one for netspeak
It really makes me sick
To throw aside our syntax
And make yourself look thick
Is all the space we need
For our hopes, our dreams, our aspirations!
(it costs more if we exceed)
Orwell thought this would happen
But called it newspeak (the quack!)
If he had have changed the w
Hed be more along our track
Say whatever you want
But dont keep it simple and plain!
Whats that you write? Brb?
Lol we do exclaim!
We feel the need to tell eachother
How we look when we have read
All our lols lmaos and rofls
We wouldnt want to have mislead
But dont think youll avoid it
It happens to the best
So start using those num63r5
nd gve ths vwls a rst
So heres to you, netspeak
You grammar ignoring fad
As far as idiom revolutions go
Youre the best weve ever had
Chinese WhispersChinese Whispers
Chinese Wisp errs
Chime ease puss puss
Try knees whiskers
Tai needs slippers
Tied his hip hurts
Writer's BlockI cant write for the life of me.
Theres just nothing coming up in
My mind for my creative side to see
And pick and choose a thing
To write so candidly about.
This blasted writers block
Throws me into doubt
Puts my mind in lock
And throws away the key.
Now as I sit in my chair
Staring at a blank white page
Giving a blank white stare
Right back at me...
I try so hard to place
Pen to paper and turn the sea
Into a river of words
But in my haste;
I end up frying my brain
With will power instead of contents
On my page. All I gain
Is a few scribbles... and all this nonsense
Is throwing me into a fit of rage
Of horrible red hot hate!
If only I could fill this page
oh hang on, wait
A Vampire's WarningI really want to eat you,
you truly ought to know.
So think of this-before we kiss...
...under the mistletoe.
You think it's about romance,
but I just need some lunch.
I smell your blood-in dismal flood...
...so please go drink some punch.
It's best if you avoid me,
no matter what I say.
Your mortal bliss-you'll surely miss...
...if we take things my way.
I'm functioning on empty,
and kinda like a car.
So low on fumes-I live in tombs...
...if you should flee, run far.
This party's for the festive,
I lean towards mad-macabre.
I lurk in screens-and piercing screams...
...necrosis is my job.
I'd tell you all I'm thinking,
but you're already dead.
You chose my mouth-your heart went South...
...and now I have been fed.
Can't Circumvent the CircusMonday, mother awakes actors;
mild-mannered touches shoulder-shake children
imagining illness in
front of food, to toothbrushes, behind
bus benches, on an orange
engineered elephant entrance;
can’t circumvent circus routine.
I loveI love your clothes
I love your shoes
I love your toes
I love your hue
I love your nose
I love your face
I love your moles
I love your grace
I love your pants
I love your stew
I love your rants
I sure as hell don't love you
Incompetence: A Half-Baked Tale
She disappears in a puff of smoke and leaves me standing there
In a dress of the palest gossamer, with fancy curling hair.
I take a step—my slippers pinch—“Oh dear, they’re slightly small―”
But the coachman interrupts me: “Come! We cannot miss the ball!”
He grins at me with buck teeth as he stands by the carriage door;
I climb inside; my slippers sink in the spongy, slippery floor.
The seat is slightly sticky, leaving pumpkin on my palms,
But the coachman cries, “Hooray! We’re off!” and waves excited arms.
The carriage starts with a painful lurch and soon we’re rolling fast;
I close my eyes and pray it holds together to the last.
My hair is shaken loose; I bump my head, my hand, my knee,
And I wonder if that fairy passed her Magic Arts degree.
Along we jump and jerk and jolt; I’m flung from side to side;
The carriage comes to a screeching halt to end our breakneck ride.
Class of HorrrorsOne should beware this class
for this class is torture
One should avoid this class
for the teacher always fails you
One should hate this class
for it is just hard
This class is horrible
for everything is bad
The Strange Affair of the Oyster BisqueOne chilly autumn evening, when the moon was brightly shining,
My good friend Sherlock Holmes and I were in the midst of dining -
A treat from Holmes with money given by a royal client.
Although when it was offered, he was typically defiant,
But reluctantly relented when the gentleman implored
With such a strong insistance that it could not be ignored.
And so it was we found ourselves in Simpsons-on-the-Strand
Battling through a banquet with a knife and fork in hand.
My friend was in good humour, and he spoke of many things,
Of shoes, and ships, and sealing wax, of cabbages and kings,
Their role in his deductions and the solving of his cases,
His telegrams and pseudonyms and myriad of faces -
When all at once he gave a cry and leapt up from his seat,
And bumped into a waiter who was knocked clean off his feet.
“Good Lord!” I said, as Holmes turned pale, and stood completely still.
“Whatever is the matter? You look awful – are you ill?”
Happy Happy BirthdayToday is one that deserves a good raving
Ryan’s birthday is the day that needs its own cue
I’m crafting this poem for him because his favorite color is blue
Dance, Ryan, dance ‘cause this day is worth faving
Listen, Ryan, listen ‘cause my words are worth saving
Happy happy birthday, this song is for you
Happy happy birthday, I think I stepped in poo
Listen here, Ryan, I hired myself for this song’s paving
C’mon, Ryan, come up with me and dance
Happy happy birthday, blue’s the color for us
Happy happy birthday, lets repaint our trust
Ryan don’t be embarrassed, I only wish to enhance
I know I’m annoying but there is no need to fuss
And now this song is over, paint a house blue I must
Baka-ninBakunin is the Revolutionaries favourite anti-Semite
In part for his works packing such rhetorical bite
Christians give him hate
For God and the State
If Marx had his way, his books would be burned on site
Rudolph's ConfessionRudolph's Confession
Without trying to be boastful
I think I can safely admit
That out of all the reindeers here
That number one is where I sit
The whole wide world adores me
And remember my name quite well
But the world doesn't know my secret
so I guess now it's time to tell.
I came to the north pole workshop
A bright eyed (and nosed) newbie guy
Santa signed me up straight away
And promised me I'd be sky high
That year I led the foggy way
My red gleaming nose and I soared!
The taunting and teasing stopped dead
And I was now loved and adored
But the following year changed that
When I asked to fly lead again
Santa gave a shake of his head
And proceeded to explain
This is no foggy Christmas Eve
My sight's fine, I think you'd agree
Last year was only a once of
So Rudolph, stop badgering me!
Little did I know Mr. Claus
had stuck in a 'clause' of his own
The contract I signed years ago
Banned me from 'Perfect weather zones'
Clear skies I'm not allowed to fly
Only under fog and d
EasterRemember what you love,
you with sand in your teeth
and the feral burn of hunger
in your eyes.
God sends his regrets.
He made you grasping and slow,
in a late hour
when the wine washed low.
Remember what you love.
Fall to your knees in the toss
and the swell, quell
the appetite of the cold black sea.
Beg blessings for your home
and the salt-sick trees.
Reach what lies near:
the fat-faced child, the sweet-soft lamb;
tether the tantrum, trickle the blood.
Offer psalms to what is holy,
whisper the name of what you love
as it bobs in the bleak mad sea.
Keep in Touch!
Bluefley has a gallery filled with artwork that whisks you off in to a Sci-fi daydream, and keeps you captivated for hours. Marc has been a member of our community for over a decade and has achieved nothing but success with his astounding commitment to interacting with the community, sharing a prolific amount of video tutorials and generally being an all round rockstar deviant. It is no joke that we are absolutely delighted to award the Deviousness Award for April 2014 to ... Read More