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Dear True LoveDear true love,
I just wanted to write to you
And say that well well...i was touched
That you went to so much effort
To give me such "exquisite" gifts
But true love don't do it again
Your knowledge of me is quite poor
Every day of Christmas was hell
And I feared the bell at my door
A partridge, Swans, French hens and doves
I admit were lovely in song
But since I have Ornithophobia*
The choice of birds was wrong
Those five days of fowls at my door
Sent me screaming to a right royal mess
Here's a tip next time you spend cash;
What's wrong with a simple white dress?
I don't even like fruit
So what was with the pear?
(I couldn't even go near the tree
Since the darn bird was there)
The only thing you got right, boy
Was my love of golden rings
But my love turned sour, cheapskate!
When I found they're only toy rings!
I've never liked dancing
So when the ninth day came
Ladies tangoed into my house
Then forced me to do the same!
The other random folks you sent
Were just as bad a
Class of 2009The Class of 2009 (Thank you, come again.)
You've got your claps
You've got your cheers
You've got signatures
And photos with peers
Now get the fuck out.
You heard me.
Yes it's all very sweet
To watch you all go
But we've now got to plan
The 2010 show
You're on your own now, kid
We wash our hands clean
Of bells and schoolbooks
And a daily routine
We've controlled how you think
For thirteen years
Our contract is now up
It's you who now steers
Oh come now, don't cry
I thought we planned this
We told you it was inevitable
That life's not all bliss
You'll hit speed humps
And not have us to aid
And while you lay there
You'll wish you would have stayed
So have fun out there
No reason to be afraid!
Thank you, come again
Thanks for having played!
An ode to NetspeakNetspeak (150 characters)
Im not one for netspeak
It really makes me sick
To throw aside our syntax
And make yourself look thick
Is all the space we need
For our hopes, our dreams, our aspirations!
(it costs more if we exceed)
Orwell thought this would happen
But called it newspeak (the quack!)
If he had have changed the w
Hed be more along our track
Say whatever you want
But dont keep it simple and plain!
Whats that you write? Brb?
Lol we do exclaim!
We feel the need to tell eachother
How we look when we have read
All our lols lmaos and rofls
We wouldnt want to have mislead
But dont think youll avoid it
It happens to the best
So start using those num63r5
nd gve ths vwls a rst
So heres to you, netspeak
You grammar ignoring fad
As far as idiom revolutions go
Youre the best weve ever had
Chinese WhispersChinese Whispers
Chinese Wisp errs
Chime ease puss puss
Try knees whiskers
Tai needs slippers
Tied his hip hurts
Writer's BlockI cant write for the life of me.
Theres just nothing coming up in
My mind for my creative side to see
And pick and choose a thing
To write so candidly about.
This blasted writers block
Throws me into doubt
Puts my mind in lock
And throws away the key.
Now as I sit in my chair
Staring at a blank white page
Giving a blank white stare
Right back at me...
I try so hard to place
Pen to paper and turn the sea
Into a river of words
But in my haste;
I end up frying my brain
With will power instead of contents
On my page. All I gain
Is a few scribbles... and all this nonsense
Is throwing me into a fit of rage
Of horrible red hot hate!
If only I could fill this page
oh hang on, wait
mini fic - Mariand visita al psicologo una tarde en el consultorio de psicologia...
Doctor: toma asiento y siéntate por favor
Doctor: ¿como te llamas?
Doctor: ¿mariand que?
M: ¡que pepinos le importa!
Doctor: bueno, ¿que te trae por aquí?
M: mis amigas me obligaron sobre mi voluntad ¬¬
Doctor: te noto molesta...
M: ¡no quería venir!
Doctor: bueno, bueno, te haré algunas preguntas ¿de acuerdo?
M: como quiera...
Doctor: dime algo que odies
M: que los peces de cece entren a mi cuarto
Doctor: como podrían entrar peces a tu cuarto O_o
M: pues en una pecera ¿no?
Doctor: de acueerdo, que mas
M: emm, bueno en general, que cualquier ser viviente entre a mi cuarto
Doctor: ¿alguna de tus compañeras lo ah hecho?
M: no creo que les convenga hacerlo
Doctor: ¿tienes mascotas mariand?
M: si, una serpiente llamada fraude y un gato llamado chesstre :3
Doctor: una ¿s-sepiente?
M: sii... *habla pausadamente*
... Merry Birthday, Jeff!!!*
Hello Gorgeous, pretty fella!
Would write you a complete novella
of young and charming Cinderella
draped with but a pink umbrella,
munching beef with Salmonella -
however - great. You are in luck:
my pen is simply grossly stuck!
Mean and tricksy midnight puck
with firm blessings stuffed 'n tucked
it in none too small a scale
well underneath the fluffy tail
~ of a well fed mongoose duck!
... Oh, ye gods!!!
What ever are we now to do?!!
Here's a quirky point of view:
let us fill her with fine brew;
for until she finds the loo -
our common goal we can't pursue!
So, in the Merry month of May,
- or July - whichever way -
run, have fun - enjoy your play
and dip thine whiskers in soufflé
of gifts and wishes: a neat soiree
(that we are) we cheer and say:
~ long live our Jeffy on this saintly Day!
How To Be A LadyBe kind and gentle
Remember! Nothing is accidental.
Remember all the little things
Never dip your feet, even in the most gentle of springs.
Never neglect your gentleman callers
No matter how much he hollers.
Your voice must be soft and gentle
Loud noises are vile and considered mental.
Never take wine with your afternoon tea
And a lady should never beg or plea.
Cloths should always be perfect, skirts never distraught
A parasol brought whenever it is hot.
No matter how rich, always act humble
And a lady, would never fumble.
A lady should always know when to use each fork
and how to eat her pork.
Always remember to lower your head
When greeted by another, even one you dread.
Now, remember your manners and never make a racket
or you might end up in a straight jacket.
Why Dogs are Better Than CatsA dog has a lot to do,
But you already to that,
and so this is a poem all about
why dogs are better than cats.
First, let's talk about night,
Since night gives most of us some fright;
Dogs will sleep all through the day (except when they have to play, of course)
But if an intruder knocks on the door,
A dog will roll up off the floor,
And bark, and bark, and bark.
And say the intruder didn't knock,
The dog will not exactly bark,
But will come up to the bad guy
wagging its tail,
Distracting the bad fellow with endless kisses.
Then Mom will know something is amiss,
Since someone in the house is getting kissed,
and everyone is safe in bed,
So a bad guy must be wanting fed;
So the Mom will come down and bring out the chicken,
Or at least that's what Fido thinks,
Then she'll feed Fido first, and then the bad guy,
Who wants to be fed
And everyone will be happy because Fido got chicken, and petted, and so forth.
Oviously there is no need for point two,
Because it should be very clear to you,
blind justicecaught in the act
a selfie to boot
should not have posed
so close to the loot
darn social media
a souvenir is fine
but don't show the whole world
who committed the crime
when all the evidence
is so easy to find
only hope that justice
will truly be blind
A Case of Identity: James WindibankA/N: By Jove!" he continued, flushing up at the sight of the bitter sneer upon the man's face, "it is not part of my duties to my client, but here's a hunting crop handy, and I think I shall just treat myself to--"
“Mr. James Windibank,
Those who play games of sin we spank.”
Holmes raises his hunting crop…
“Oh, is that the time? I mustn’t stop!”
(wild clatter of steps upon the stairs)
Never A Happy EndingOver a Beer a Psychologist once told me...that there are only a few that he never truely understood,
and the worst out of the whole lot,
was that Little Miss Red Riding Hood.
She told him lies and would often storm of in a huff,
from day one he knew...'this little girl was going to be tuff'.
She told him how...she would cut with a knife,
any Wolf...that would dare give her any strife.
This bitterness she carried with her...through out her whole life,
she never once found love...or was to become someones wife.
In old age... her good vision was lost,
and to this...any poor four legged creature, with its life...would unfortunately pay the cost.
Stuck growing old...as a little fairytale girl,
she ended up going insane...claiming everything had a Wolf like smell.
Then she got institutionalised...when she thought granny was a Wolf...and threw her down the Well.
With more beer...the Psychologist...more tales, he started to tell,
Then there was Prince Charming....who never really got over his
Too Much InformationFor many years I have delayed,
But now I’m tired of waiting,
For now I feel mature enough
To tackle online dating
I think I must be honest,
And say it’s been a while,
Since last I had a lady friend,
But here goes with my profile:
Name and Appearance:
My name (for shame) is Stinky Stan
My body odour’s rank,
My parents gave this rotten name,
I’ve changed it now to Hank.
I think I’m almost six foot tall,
My body’s large and lumpy
I dress in the most drabbest clothes,
And others say I’m frumpy.
My eyes are beady buttons;
For my nose I lack the words,
And brown warts grow upon my cheeks
That look like squishy turds.
My lips are non-existent,
And I have rotten teeth,
My chin has yet another chin,
My neck is thin and scraggy,
My teeth are falling out,
My penis bends in such a way,
It’s like a teapot spout.
My knees are quite arthritic,
My elbows sharp and thin,
My chest is just pathetic,
and my stomach’s
ET Go HomeET Go Home
For days and days, the sky was dark
Lightning flashed here and there
There was more than electricity in the air
But though it was a signal "Hark"
Most folks seemed not to care
A war of worlds was still remote
For Herbert Wells once wrote
That the aliens landed in Britain
Still, there was tension in the air
But now the tension has ended, friends
And we are alone
ET go home
Rudolph's ConfessionRudolph's Confession
Without trying to be boastful
I think I can safely admit
That out of all the reindeers here
That number one is where I sit
The whole wide world adores me
And remember my name quite well
But the world doesn't know my secret
so I guess now it's time to tell.
I came to the north pole workshop
A bright eyed (and nosed) newbie guy
Santa signed me up straight away
And promised me I'd be sky high
That year I led the foggy way
My red gleaming nose and I soared!
The taunting and teasing stopped dead
And I was now loved and adored
But the following year changed that
When I asked to fly lead again
Santa gave a shake of his head
And proceeded to explain
This is no foggy Christmas Eve
My sight's fine, I think you'd agree
Last year was only a once of
So Rudolph, stop badgering me!
Little did I know Mr. Claus
had stuck in a 'clause' of his own
The contract I signed years ago
Banned me from 'Perfect weather zones'
Clear skies I'm not allowed to fly
Only under fog and d
Southern modernizationBlack comedy market economy, banana peel political humour, cards with the cartels, the solution free room service and credit the union. Bolivar twist, ding dong dollar under control, valley of the coin desert with no value. Gangsta paradise, the victims are the people. Big mac and cold conflict interference a part of it all. In little Mexico you’d need a high horse to jump the great border wall that boasts its peak.
Viracocha melts waters unlike those it rose from, making waves of out of metal oceans to overtake the current south, re-steel, re-take, tech-mechs the entire south into neo-Machu Picchu, cyberpunk music moulding, reshaping old society into an new age, iron dynasty, fresh coat for an old, ancient look. The coattails of Quetzalcoatl if he were a modern man pull together the merge of future and long passed past..techno temples and the like.
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